So I’ve always kept a blog or journal in one form or another. I quite enjoy journaling in all its forms – unless it is done for academic reasons about works of literature. For the longest time (I think since my days in middle school) I kept a blogspot blog. But I have been very bad about blogging regularly over there. I feel bad about it too. I think what I needed to do was to start over to get my blogging mojo back. I never had a lot of followers or commenters or anything like that. Blogging was just something I did for myself and for my friends. Especially when I was far away at school, it was a tidy way to keep in contact (until Facebook came into the picture). Then something broke, where I just got really bored of sharing my wheelings & dealings so to speak. I felt like my life was boring – it was mostly occupied by school – and it wasn’t worth writing about and sharing with whoever took the time to read it. So I took a really really long break. Now I feel like the motivation is there again. Like I might have something to actually share. I’ve ignored my interests for so long in this general malaise I’ve been stuck in since graduating from college. I think what sparked this sudden urge to return to the world was the fact that I played video games today for the first time in a month.
See, I lost my job at the end of January. It wasn’t a particularly wonderful or challenging job. I worked in a call center for a certain retalier of children’s toys (more on why I am not going to say who later). I answered the phone and helped people figure out how to place orders on the website and solve other problems. I worked the graveyard shift – 3:30 – midnight. Towards the later hours, the calls slowed down and I got paid to do crazy things like read or knit. I kinda liked it. But I got laid off. After the rush of the holidays were over, people stopped buying a lot of toys. Because people stopped buying a lot of toys, they stopped calling with problems. Hence the need for a Mary to answer the phone was null. So I lost my job. All that fall I had been working 2 jobs (an internship besides the call center) and been so busy. Too busy to have my own life. I worked seven days a week. My Netflix went unwatched, my knitting was neglected, my sewing machine sad and dusty in the corner. Since I’ve lost my job I have no idea what to do with myself. (Besides look for another job of course.) I’ve torn through my Netflix queue, finished several knitting projects, took up cross-stitch, and entertained thoughts of starting a new quilting project (I set up my sewing machine!). But it all feels meaningless somehow. Cliche, I know. I stopped playing videogames when I lost my job. I got a Wii for Christmas that I’ve hooked up to my computer. I used to play when I finished my shift or on my days off. To blow off steam or somesuch. Today I turned the console back on. That turned everything around.
I’ve moved through the month of Febuary like a zombie lady. Tomorrow I start a new “job.” I put the word in quotation marks because I’ll be working 1 hour a day supervising kids on the playground at a nearby elementary school. I don’t even know how much it pays. What matters is that I’m getting out of the house instead of hiding in the basement. I can feel myself sinking down the familiar rabbit hole of depression and all the goodies that go with it. It’s up to me to pull myself out of it. When I come home from work tomorrow, I’m gonna start that quilt too.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
I hope you post pics of your projects. I would love to see them!